Tuesday, April 29, 2008


Hubby just came up with a brilliant marketing and counter-insurgency idea. Ever heard of the Annoy-a-tron on ThinkGeek? We've got a new tool that has this sucker beat.

Do you have coworkers that make you crazy?

Are those pesky insurgents holing up in your village and need to be exterminated?

Is your mother-in-law or that good-for-nothing ex-significant other constantly dropping by unannounced?

Well, your troubles are over. Just purchase your very own noisemaker! Cloned from day care-tested toddlers, these tiny wonders are sure to clear a room in record time. Simply provide these amazing feats of nature with some sugar, stand back and enjoy the show!

As an added bonus, these noisemakers also come with a variety of smells and bodily functions for you to choose from in case you have a particularly nasty visitor. These features also prove effective when combined with other interrogation techniques, ranging from sleep deprivation to Chinese water torture.

Call now to order your very own noisemaker! Act now - supplies are limited!

Disclaimer: Cloned children must be fed and cleaned daily. Failure to do so will result in mass hysteria, destruction of property and possible incarceration.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Best $12.12 ever spent?

As it's raining, the kids can't go outside. However, I did need to swing by the bank to deposit one of our tax refunds (wheee!), and there just happened to be a McD's next door. As I am a mother who does not let an opportunity for quiet, happy children pass by easily, I pulled through the drive-thru for some instant sanity.

30 minutes and $12.12 later, my three wild children are now bounding around the living room with identical "Idol" musical toys.

Remind me to implicate Simon Cowell as a Leatherman-carrying maniac the next time I'm behind him in the airport security line.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Catching up

I offer the following excuses for why I have neglected to update in recent weeks:

1. Got accepted to GWU and *squeeee!!!*'d my way through life for several days. I'm still recovering.
2. Lost attempted bid on a house (someone else threw down as we were signing the bid paperwork).
3. Went to St. Louis for several days during massive flooding. Reconfirmed my theory that people who drive into areas marked "Do not enter when flooded" are continuing to reproduce at record rates and must be stopped through innovative sterilization program. Still working out the kinks in my plan.
4. Put in for a new job (which would mean a promotion).
5. Consoled buddy who didn't get job he applied for when office politics took over and the least qualified person got the job.
6. Worked two conferences with long hours, including a last-minute show up in Baltimore on a Saturday. Blergh.
7. Put in bid on another house.
8. Countered the counter bid (same price, earlier close date requested by sellers).
9. Worked another conference that was a total waste of time. Confirmed belief that conferences are merely an excuse for slackers to scam out of work for free swag.
10. Found out that aforementioned counter bid was accepted. We will soon own a house worth half a million dollars. *faints*
11. Interviewed for aforementioned job that I applied for. Hauled arse home to fetch children after hubby left for FL.
12. Took Friday off to attend open house at GWU. Missed out on free cocktail reception to fetch children while hubby is in FL.
13. Still wondering how it's fair that hubby gets to party at Walt Disney World for 6 days while I get to wrangle three children, work full-time and plan for next St. Louis trip.

So.... yeah. Those are my excuses. Take 'em or leave 'em.

Must go deal with whining/crying/hungry children. Hope no one else is having as many problems with their brood as I seem to be having today.